Letting go

I'm having a hard time this summer in regards to "letting go". Kaleb is such a big boy that I sometimes forget that he's still little. On the other hand, he's such a little boy that I forget he's big.
We swam at the new gym today and Kaleb was gone. He played with his friends and was swimming all over the place. He went by himself up the stairs for the waterslide and I was a nervous wreck. I wanted to stand in line with him to make sure no one skipped or cut in line. I wanted to know if anyone was mean or if he waited for the lifeguard to say "go" before he went. I wanted to hold his hand like he was little child and put him safely on the waterslide and meet him at the bottom with him smiling ear to ear. I did get to see him at the bottom but not being with him at the top, killed me.
Right before he would go down the slide, he would wave with the biggest smile. I was so proud of him. He looked so grown up. I cherished each wave because I know when he's older; he'll be hiding from me instead of making sure I'm watching.

When we got home from the gym he wanted to show me how strong he is. He picked up his picnic table(which is heavy) and it tipped him backwards. He smashed his finger and was screaming crying. We went inside and I of coarse took care of him. While I was comforting him he looked at me with the most innocent eyes and loving smile. He said "thank you Mom for always loving me. You always make everything feel better and take really good care of me and Austin". I told him how much Daddy and I loved him and how we would do anything for him. He softly rubbed my arm and told me that he knew that and he knew we would die for him just like Jesus did. I loved on him for a little bit then we headed upstairs to snuggle. See, he still is little and needs his Momma...........

This is my last summer with him before he starts Kindergarten. I'm trying to make sure it's as memorable as possible while he’s still little and wants to be with me. As I sit here typing this with tears rolling down my face, I realize how lost I’m going to be without him on August 10.